Every day we meet people. All kinds of people. Friendly people, funny people, nice people, people we wish not to meet again and people who are no different from wild animals. I mean the bullies. Anyone who met more than ten people in their lifetime must have met all those type of people.
We think we are developed and modern. But there are people who we call bullies are worse than lions or tigers. Animals hunt for food, but these people hunt for the fun of it.
We, the regular people who live a normal life, go out to get things we want for ourselves, and in this movement from place to place looking for things we need, makes us to face other people. Because through people we get things we want in life. So we have to face them. This is something heavy and troublesome to most people. I would rather sleep at home on a bed of comfort or lie on a sofa and watch a movie or go to the beach and stare at rolling waves than meeting other people. But as I said before, we get things we need from other people, let it be a small cotton bud or electricity that turn nights into a days, we get from other people.
Wouldn’t it be a beautiful world if all the people we meet are nice, friendly and have a sense of humour rather than being grumpy or annoying? Who wouldn’t want to live in such a world? Even the dead would be willing to rise again just to meet people in such world. Though pleasant it may be, our world is far away from that. Some people say it will never become true. So let’s keep the dream aside and focus on reality.
Bullys are the most difficult people we meet. They use people as their toys. Especially those who are thin, small, and have less self-confidence – like myself. There are two ways bullies attack people, 1- verbally and 2- physically. Shouting, insulting and black mailing is more common than hitting or pushing. Such verbal attacks are more common than physical attacks because our society is more tolerant to verbal interaction. All physical attacks are not tolerated. Besides it is far more difficult to raise an issue of verbal attack. In my opinion, verbal attacks are more severe than physical attacks. If someone hit me, the pain would last a few days. On the other hand, if someone insults me, the pain would last for weeks, months, or longer. Besides it is far more difficult to raise an issue of verbal attack. There are cases such as suicides, refusing to go to college, or complete isolation because of bullying. So we must do something to stand against these poisonous people. We must stop them. I dealt with bullies all my life and I thought about writing from my experience about how I deal with them.
First we need to start from ourselves. Our parents told us to be nice with people and not to make waves. With all respect, I think it’s a wrong advice. People are not nice as much as they told us. Everyone is out there to fulfill their own self-interest. Some are willing to push you and kick you to get what they want. By taking this advice from parents we end up not getting what we want or worse we might end up as a football. It makes no sense to be nice with someone who is not nice us. There is a saying we should treat others as they treat us. Though this is a useful advice, I think it is more useful to treat others ten times more than they treat us. This way if someone does harm to us and when we do harm ten times more, they will remember it. They know they cannot play with us.
Sometimes we are in a position where we are weaker than the bully. In these situations we cannot do much. So what you do is just remember the guy, learn his face, after that wait. Do not forget what he did to you. You may write it down. Every dog has his day. So wait until the balance of power weighs heavier on your side. When this day comes, take the bully, put on a leash, drag around as far as you can. By doing this you are not only helping yourself but others who are in the weaker position. Do what he did to you ten times more and add the waiting time as well. It’s stupid to be nice with bullies. They want you to be nice and do things they ask.
Other than this, our parents also told us to forgive people often. This is an excellent advice to build and maintain relationships. It is a desirable thing to forgive our friends, family, and even strangers. But when it comes to bullies its better to hold it in our chest. Better to be as unforgiving as a dictator. Oftentimes bullies mistreat you and forget about it later on. He forget it because we have a tendency to forgive people and we also forget. If we raise the issue again and again, when we remind him of what he has done, he will remember it.
There was a time when I was in school, a guy hit me a few times for no reason. Fifteen years later the guy came to me for help. I said you did this and that to me. He couldn’t recall. I was surprised. I remember it as clear as HD movie. I even wrote it down in case I might forget. So I described the day, the situation and everything that happened in details. Finally, he recalled and apologized. But I didn’t help him and he was miserable. I was so glad to see the sad face he had when he walked away.
Since power is not static, when these bullies start loosing it, they begin to realize what they have done was bad. Make the bully regret. But when they apologize, forgive them. That’s how forgiveness works.
Once we made sure that the bully don’t forget what he has done, next is revenge. Revenge is not a good thing. We must avoid it as much as possible. And I don’t recommend taking revenge against anyone. Unless it is a bully. When a bully does something to you, remember it, stand up if you can. If the bully is too stong or has the upper hand in that situation, do nothing. But remember it. After that be patience. Wait, wait and wait, till the day you get the upper hand. Once the sun rise to that day, find the guy, it maybe after ten years, find the guy, search on Facebook, ask friends and get the guy’s number get him to meet you. After that do what he did to you but ten times more. If it’s after really long time, add the cost of waiting time and make it twenty times. Sometimes I have seen bullies harm people and forget all about it. They know nothing will happen to them. The victim will not come after him. So the bully forget all about it and move on with his life. We should not let that happen.
always get even. When someone shout at you shout them back. If someone curse you curse them back only ten times more. If someone hit you, hit them back twice harder. After you do this a few times people begin to realize you are not a kind of guy they can mess around. People who are watching you will respect you for it. But if you let a bully treat you like a tissue paper, wipe his hand and throw into a dustbin, others will start to do the same to you. I think this is the biggest realization one can take from social science.
Prince by Niccolo Machiavelli
Think big and kick ass by Donald Trump